From the movie "Waking Life"

(A blonde woman is talking in a house - Kim Krizan, screenwriter)

Creation seems to come out of imperfection. It seems to come out of a striving and a frustration. And this is where I think language came from. I mean, it came from our desire to transcend our isolation and have some sort of connection with one another. And it had to be easy when it was just simple survival. Like, you know, "water." We came up with a sound for that. Or "Saber-toothed tiger right behind you." We came up with a sound for that. But when it gets really interesting, I think, is when we use that same system of symbols to communicate all the abstract and intangible things that we're experiencing. What is, like, frustration? Or what is anger or love? When I say "love," the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person's ear, travels through this Byzantine conduit in their brain, you know, through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying and they say yes, they understand. But how do I know they understand? Because words are inert. They're just symbols. They're dead, you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It's unspeakable. And yet, you know, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we've connected, and we think that we're understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. And that feeling might be transient, but I think it's what we live for.

thoughts on sexuality/life - from a conversation

why so interested in demisexuality all of a sudden?

well, my sexuality has bugged me for a couple years now

I've always felt my sex drive was too high

and along comes the idea of having your sex drive being reliant on your emotional connection to someone

when I think about this, it makes a lot of sense to me

Sex is extremely intimate

for me, it's the highest expression of love

and when I feel the urge to have sex, I feel like I'm cheapening my relationship with them (this is outside of marriage)

I mean

as it is

rarely do I find myself attracted to someone

but every now and then, usually after talking to a girl for a bit

I find myself looking their way more often

well i dont think you should feel thats not normal. it is normal.

I'm not normal. I know this for certain

When I compare myself to others, I feel very isolated.

Some people out there actually terrify me

they're so.. oblivious to life

they don't use their minds for anything other than making money and having fun

I have a mind, I use my mind

I enjoy my mind

And when my mind considers my behaviour, it does not like what it sees.

I can't appeal to the majority here.

you are different

but

how is that bad?

I don't want to be like the others

If I had to, I would go crazy

I would break down

I think I might be mildly demisexual

what makes you think that?

when I see a girl I have no emotional connection to, I can't find her atractive unless I try to

eventhen it's sketchy

well thats a good thing

I do like that.

I don't like how many connections I makethough

I wish I could trust my mind to keep things platonic

It's always pushing boundaries

(btw, do you mind if I put this on my blog? everything i was thinking about is showin up)

not at all

bleh

it'd be convenient, really.

I dislike hormones jacking my thought process

*hugs

there's a comic

that i agree with strongly

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=1366#comic

If humans didn't have sex

what would we be capable of?

humans need the intimacy though

Sex isn't the only way to achieve intimacy

old couples can sometimes do this

in fact, we were given this crap poem in English called The Dumkav or something

it was about an old couple reflecting

and the poem ends with them holding each others had

hand*

There's love there too

they didn't need to have sex to get to it

11:41pm

well no one dont need to to achieve intimacy but all people are different. i know for me to feel intimate with someone i need cuddles and kisses and stuff. some people just communicate more physically than others.

Aye, I'm fairly physical, and that might be a contribution

but its not a bad thing

11:48pm

you're right, it isn't

but... I just feel like there's so much I could do, if I wasn't restrained by, well, my humanity

your humanity in invaluable to you

never wish it away

11:48pm

I tried being schizoid - it sucked. mega monkey balls

The absence of emotions sucks, the presence of emotions generally sucks, with a few exceptions

excitement is one I really enjoy

you know that spark that vibes in the room when a bunch of likeminded people get together for something?

I LOOOOVE THAT.

I also really enjoy satisfaction, and contentment

but most other things are kinda bleh

well

I kinda enjoy love

the floating on a clouds kind of love

where you just want to do a dance

but i find that kind of love brings issues because I ahven't found anyone to feel that for, and feel secure at the same time

i like quiet love

where you just hold the others persons hand and let time just pass by?

the kind where you dont need to profess it in front of everyone where you can just smile at them and they know what you mean

i had that once

but they fucked it up >.>

its nice thoug

though*

to just be comfortable with someone

yeah..

*sigh

just lie in the backyard and cuddle in the sun and not need anything else you know?

T'day

yeah, I know

...dangit, now i'm all cuddly D:

and there's no one to cuddle

same here

*hug

i really miss it now i never thought about how much i needed that until now

like just cuddling

12:03am

aye. sometimes I get to have long hugs with Cat, and those are nice

but they're far and few because of how irregularily we see each other

and of course, she's not always in the mood

yeah

Cabarawr

So, Cabaret was interesting. Around thursday evening, my meds started wearing off and because people still had energy I could feed off of their energy and be a little crazy. It was extremely enjoyable. That high lasted until cabaret ended, and the crash was pretty huge, but totally worth it. I met a lot of new people and the whole thing was one awesome experience. I forgot I had that extroverted part of me...

Don't remember what else I was going to say. I may blog again soonish, though.

hhhuuurrrrrrr

i am crashing. I'm satisied with the past few days, and all I need now is to fall asleep in midcuddle. more posties later/tomorrow/whenever