And sometimes I am. Sometimes I can smoothly go from conversation to conversation, being extroverted, sociable, and it's an enjoyable experience. But then, something funny happens - I see an eccentric person and think "Man, that guy is awesome. I wish I was more quirky." You hear about people like Tesla, and Edison - not very high in the charisma department, but still humorous people. I begin remembering intellectuals who led fascinating lives, and I want to experience that. Sometimes I wish that I was as eccentric, abstract and introverted as these people, and not so down to earth and sociable.
I imagine this is why I'm so good at acting. I can put myself in peoples shoes so well, because I, at some point, have been them. In the odd case that I haven't, I simply form connections and make an educated guess at how they feel/react. I'm rarely off. Sometimes, it's nice to be someone else.
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
I imagine part of the problem is my medication. It helps me focus, but I'm more impulsive and inclined to be silly when off of them. I'm more... alive. But that's not the right word. It's a different kind of alive - I'm alive right now, and being focused on something can be thrilling. However, being with people, connecting with them... it's what humans were made for. To be with each other. It's a special connection that no idea, no hobby will ever imitate.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't come off of my medication because next term I have a whole bunch of math courses that I need focus for. Nobody invites me to their parties on the weekend, so even when I'm off my medication I don't get to connect with people.
ReplyDeleteSuuuuucks.