Huh

My desire to get out of this place is nowhere near as strong as it once was. This certainly makes things interesting... what does it mean? Am I finally settling in?

Attitude change?

So, a few days ago, I finally managed to start reading my bible again. I was still in a rut, going through the motions and trying not to think. I was tired, and inclined to do stupid things. This had been going on for over a month.

But now I feel way better and am generally more pleasant, more energetic and more focused. It's incredible what taking 30 minutes out of your day will do. I hope as this continues, I can keep thawing out. It's a nice feeling.

Girls :O

And now the age old mystery: Women. I'm curious as to what exactly goes through a girls mind - especially some of the "logic" I get. There almost seems to be a hidden emphasis placed on emotions, and while this allows me to make jokes about "woman logic" I'm a little curious as to what causes this. I can kind of understand emotions tainting your reasoning, but that is far more common in girls than guys. I see more stress and worry from girls, and more concern for their image. Care to give me any insight?

Also, out of curiosity, what do you look for in a guy? I tend to look for someone with enthusiasm, tempered with wisdom. I, being a colder person (not willingly! also, in flux? <--- reason I'm not dating), am attracted to warmer people.

I am I, Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha!

I hate being fake, but I feel I don't have to be now. Church did make a difference, if a slight one. I will go to school tomorrow happier. I'll take any improvement I can get.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
considering my two followers are girls, maybe I should discuss them next time :O Oooooooh!

Ice.

It's not a nice thing. Take that Edward Cullen fans. I'm a very cold person, in all aspects. My circulation is fail, leaving me with freezing hands (good as an impromptu ice pack) and my personality is shockingly distant. now, I have mixed emotions about this - I hate being so distant, so able to sever ties with everyone I know and love. I however, am pleased that knowing I'm so cold can shock me. It means I'm still human. I enjoy being with people, I enjoy comforting them and supporting them.... but I don't know if I would blink if walked into school one day and found everyone massacred. And I hate that.

If you have a suggestion, give me a holler. I know one solution, I just suck at implementing it.

I don't know what else to think of this. I'm devoutly Christian, I should love everyone and be without blemish.... but I'm huma, and I can't do that alone. Jesus can help me, but only if I go to him for help, which I always forget to do.

I'm so busy trying to bury the void in my life that I have no time to fix it. Or allow it to be fixed, however you see it. Bah.

Yarr harr, fiddle dee dee.

I've been pretty emo lately, and I'm pretty sick of it. I've been borderline sulky for the past couple years, and it's reaaaallly starting to work on my nerves.

The root of the problem is, interestingly, standards I have set for myself.

Now, aforementioned standards are ridiculously high; not trying to get high marks in school, or cure cancer, but trying to maintain an extremely high amount of dignity. I occasionally snicker when in choir ("mahaha, dong") but for the most part I don't allow my mind to wander down that path. Or at least, I try. Bloody hormones. The real kicker is that I have ADHD, and I, um, can't control my mind. Despite being heavily medicated (connect that statement with standards and you can guess).

...blah, i'll finish this later. time to sleepeth.